Before Marraige Separation
Preparing Yourself
Most people consider this ‘figuring it out’ stage’ - trying to decide if your relationship is really over - as the toughest time in the process. Fear of the future is overwhelming and conflicting emotions become debilitating. Resentment and anger play a major role in your decision making processes complicating even simple decisions.
Some Practical Tips
This is the time to busy yourself gathering information. See our suggested list below. While it arms you with essential details that you will need going forward, it also allows you some form of focus, which helps steady your nerves.
Stay In Control Of Your Situation
By learning as much in advance about various possible outcomes, helps you maintain control over your situation, so seek as much appropriate advice as possible.
Writing down the items that are of most concern to you personally is the starting point. Break it down into separate categories and simply make a list of all relevant details and deal with them one by one.
You will find information here on a wide range of regular issues but the list is endless and is individual to your particular situation, so feel free to ask questions to get the advice and feedback you need.
Some tips and advice from our experience:
- As it's most likely the only time you're going to go through this process, learn from those who have been through it already. The concept of this website was born out of the question put to separated people “if you had to do it over again, would you do things differently”. Most often, the answer is an overwhelming Yes! So learn from these mistakes.
- Keep emotions out of the decision making process. Easier said than done we know, but it is important to be aware of the influence your emotions may be having, in order to arrive at a practical rather than emotional solution.
- Friends and family will be keen to offer advice, but be warned, this will often lead to confusion and further upset as you try to please everyone, rather than yourself.
- Identify key individuals who you know will be of support to you. Log on here for support, and arrange to attend our meet up events to get first hand advice.
- Decide on your goals. What does the best outcome look like for you and your children. Be as ambitious as you like.
- Keep the channels of communications open with the other side in order to keep control of the outcome.
Gather Documents That Will Be Needed To Determine Family Expenses - Such As:
- 3 Years of tax returns
- 3 Years bank statements, both joint and separate accounts
- 3 Years of credit card statements
- 3 years of both sets of P60 statements
- 3 years of loan & mortgage statements
Start a spend diary, noting down every item that is purchased for household and personal expenses. This will give you an idea of how much income you will require going forward.
- List all joint family and household expenses such as health insurance, school fees, club fees etc.
- Have the family home valued by two or three separate estate agents to get a mean market value
- Have any other owned property valued and assessed as above.
- If one of the spouses owns a company, 5 years of corporate tax returns, balance sheets, profit and loss statements and shareholder agreements
- Copies of all insurance policies
- Copies of pension agreements
- All financial accounts in both parties names
What Are My Next Steps?:
- Tell Your Story
- Join The Conversation
- Sign Up For A Separated.ie Event
- Like us on Facebook for regular advice and support https://www.facebook.com/Separateddotie
