How To Move on after Separation & Divorce

Separation & Divorce is a hard road in any circumstances.  It's an emotional rollercoaster of hurt, anger, resentment and loss.  However, manoeuvring these waters when your Ex has left you for someone else, takes the hurt and anger to a whole new level.

You Feel Inadequate

You're left with the harrowing, awful knowledge that the person you love, is loving another.  This may bring feelings of shame and embarrassment as society points the finger of 'why'.  You feel inadequate - unable to 'keep' your partner happy.  You feel abandoned, less special, less interesting, less attractive.  Blindsided and betrayed - foolish for being so blind,  yet full of self blame at the sense of failure.  You've lost trust both in your judgement of people, making it difficult (although never impossible) to trust again.

Some positive lessons to take away

Amongst all this madness and emotional wrenching, there are some positive lessons to take away.  

The manner in which your relationship ended - by being betrayed - actually speeds up the pace of recovery.  Being left for another crushes the hope that often lingers for a lengthy period in other separation scenarios.  You're spared the desperate and enduring soul searching as to why the relationship ended.  You have your reason.

 You avoid the endless efforts to re-establish a connection and rekindle the spark.  You know they've moved on so they've left little room for reaching out to try and patch things up.  Most likely – there’s less inclination to cyber stalk them in their new life, unless you really want to punish and harm yourself further. 

It speeds up the acceptance process 

In general, it can speed up the 'acceptance' process which often takes year's in other, less brutal, circumstances.  This facilitates you moving on much quicker.

You may also realise that because this is how things ended, you can see that it's better that the relationship is over, which allows you to understand more fully and opens the gate to trusting again when the opportunity arises - which it will.  The extremeness of the reason the marriage ended brings greater resolve next time round and helps you rediscover the capacity to trust.

You've survived a challenge of this magnitude

Most importantly, after losing your partner to another, you've endured and survived one of the worst relationship experiences life can throw at you.  When you emerge out the other side - which you have no choice not to - you have inherited the capacity to endure and conquer a life challenge of this magnitude and this you can be proud of.  Your strength has been reinforced.  You've survived most of our worst fears and this makes you more resilient and empowered in future relationships.