10 Best Pieces of Advice to Help You Through Separation

1)       Go Easy on yourself:

Take one day at a time.  Step by step.  Moment my moment. The hurt does eventually fade away.  Allow yourself some kindness. Don’t beat yourself up if you have an off day.  Cry your eyes out but then wipe away those tears and carry on.  Don’t look too far ahead.  The future is out of  your control.  You will get there.  The world moves on and so will you.

2)      Don’t use the kids as weapons.

Your children are not weapons of destruction in the battle to destroy each other. While this happens all too regularly, it has detrimental outcomes for all involved, most importantly, the children.  Remain civil to each other in front of the kids.  Don’t use  drop off/collecting times as opportunities to off load your frustrations.  Make sure the kids are not around when this happens.  You have an obligation to protect your children from the process as much as possible.

3)      Trust your judgement:

It’s hard at first to make decisions on your own but trust your judgement and believe in yourself. You’ll get there and become much more confident and self-assured person because of it.  Try to remove emotion from the decision making process and look at things from a practical standpoint. . Go easy on yourself.  You are stronger than you think.

4)      Plan small things in the short term:

Write a list of things you’d like or need to do.  It’s a great feeling of achievement ticking them off and each time - give yourself a pat on the back. 

5)      Get outdoors:

Don’t sit at home brooding -get out and about.  Exercise fresh air are great for the soul. Take a walk on the beach;  Sit on a park bench and watch the world go by; Visit an art gallery; Go to the cinema alone; It doesn’t have to be expensive, just take the first step outside your comfort zone. 

6)      Stay away from Negative People:

Through this process, you’ll soon discover who your friends are and generally those that shine through are not the ones’ you most expected to do so.  Your previous nearest and dearest often don’t step up to the mark.  Those that do, are there for the long run. 

7)      One to one counselling:

Often, speaking with a stranger is easier.  Getting  objective, non-judgemental advice from a trained professinal is more beneficial  to you personally than confiding in family or friends.  Counselling not only helps you heal but allows you to see what your role was in the breakup and builds your personal self esteem for moving forward with your life and relationships. Be careful who you tell your personal story too.  It can often backfire if you share too much information.

8)      Appreciate what you have:

Don’t dwell too long on what you’ve left behind.  Focus on what you have rather than what you have not.  Don’t become a victim. This will only keep you stuck in the past and restrict your progress towards your new reality and make your recovery more prolonged and frustrating. 

9)      Don’t get into another relationship straight away.

While this may be tempting in order to ‘move on’, it can be a form of escapism.  if you haven’t allowed yourself to heal, it will most likely backfire.   Think about where you are and where you want to go.  Take time out to get to know what you personally want from a relationship, then when you meet someone new, you’re prepared and ready.

10)   Discover who you are:

Take a look back at who you were before the relationship.  What aspirations you had, what you enjoyed, what made you happy.  That person is still there but sometimes we get lost along the way. Rekindle something from your past that made you happy.  You might be surprised at the outcome.  Learn how to be comfortable in your own company.