Back to School after Separation - How to help the children cope.

Back to School after Separation - How to help the children cope.

Hard to believe that the Summer is almost over and the kids are getting ready to go back to school. This is always a very stressful time for families but returning to school after a parental separation is especially difficult for any child. It’s important to realise in this circumstance that teachers can be of tremendous help and support. They are fully immersed in the wellbeing of your children so it makes sense to make to let them know what’s going on. Teachers tell me that even before parents approach them on this issue, they have noticed ‘out of character’ behaviour in the children and are therefore not surprised to hear this news.

Because they are present with your children for a huge chunk of the day, they know them pretty well and are a good barometer by which to measure how your kids are coping. After all, it’s not possible for children to turn off or control their emotions in the same way an adult might and these emotions are likely to bubble over from time to time and affect the children’s focus on their lessons, how they interact with other children, their overall self-esteem, wellbeing and humour, so by making teachers aware, they can be a useful asset and achieve better outcomes for the child than if they were left in the dark. Many children form a special bond with their Teacher and are comfortable talking to them about how they’re feeling and this can become somewhat of a safe-haven.

Rosalind Sedacca of Child Centred Divorce advises:

“A compassionate teacher can keep an eye open for signs of distress or depression in your child. You can provide some messages for the teacher to share should they feel it appropriate to talk with your child about their feelings. A trusted Teacher can remind your child that he or she is not at fault…..that they aren’t the only students at school who are going through these challenging times…and that life will move back into a more comfortable place before too long. This can be helpful in reinforcing prior conversations you’ve already had with your child. It also reassures your child that the Divorce is not a big shameful secret. It can be discussed candidly and openly without shame.”

Many Irish schools now have an in-house counsellor or an independent school ‘chaplin’ who can provide extra help and assistance to children in difficult circumstances so it’s worth investigation this option. Children are often much tougher than we give them credit for, and even though the initial period of adjustment may be difficult, children tend to ‘bounce back’ much quicker than us adults, so with the right amount of support from all relevant angles, this can only speed up the process.