Here’s a taboo subject: Sex after Separation or Divorce.

Do newly divorced people have loads of sex with multiple partners to embrace their new way of life?

A recent discussion on this subject raised this question.  Not surprisingly, the person who asked had never been separated or divorced and was basing their information on the fact that  ‘everyone’ they knew who was divorced had gone wild for a while once the final decree came through.  I wondered (besides the fact that they obviously had no idea of the trauma of separation or divorce) if a lot of people had actually told him that, or was he just assuming they did, or was he basing it on what he would do in the situation, or did a lot of people say that’s what they’d like to do?

Older people entering new relationships are less cautious

Recent statistics announced by Dr. Fiona Lyons of St. James Hospital, showed a 24% increase in sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among people in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, who are back on the dating scene ‘second time around’.   She suggested that people entering relationships after separation and divorce, may no longer be concerned about becoming pregnant and therefore are less cautious about using protection.

However, the general consensus seems to be that it’s not as common as my friend was assuming.  In fact, a lot of people can be quite cautious in stepping back into the dating scene as often through the process, confidence is eroded and it takes a while to build that back up again.  Many people feel somewhat insecure and unsure, even scared of being hurt again and enter this arena with extreme trepidation.

Sense of Liberation

On the other hand, if someone has been living without sex in a loveless marriage for a long period of time before separation then maybe they do go a bit wild when they get out there again.  Others may feel an incredible sense of liberation, feel young again and having multiple partners is a way of breaking away from their old lives.

Build your Self-Esteem and the Sex will Happen

According to Jackie Pilossoph, author of the blog ‘Divorced Girl Smiling’ multiple sex partners straight out of divorce is not to be recommended in the short term.  Apparently it can be more damaging than beneficial and is not the way to solve problems.  Her advice is to work on yourself and what you can control. Build up your self-esteem and confidence and the sex will happen.  And she reckons when it does, with the right person for the right reasons it will be great, not random, or empty.

Whatever way you choose to embrace your new life, be careful out there!