Splitting ‘Heirs’ for Summer Holidays – how does it work?

When it comes to Summer Holidays, all the adverts show happy families – mum, dad, 2.5 kids, playing in the sea under clear blue skies.  When families split – these times can become incredibly stressful and its often difficult to figure out what’s the best way to organise holidays.

A couple of things to consider:

Firstly – always, always remember, children need to spend time with both parents.  Regardless of your relationship with your ex, this (in an ideal world) should not affect your children’s relationship with both parents.  Easier said than done – I know!  

Make a plan:

Until there’s a discussion about this issue, everyone carries a knot of tension. The children will be hearing about their friend’s holiday plans and kids become anxious and concerned as to how they’ll be spending the summer.  So – make a plan.  If it’s not possible to sit down together with your ex to decide what to do, come up with a couple of suggestions and email/text the other parent for their approval.  It’s never a good idea to offer a ‘fait accompli’ or telling them after the holiday is booked, as this always gets the others goat up.  By asking their advice, it eases the conversation towards a solution.

Don’t put pressure on the kids to decide.

This really depends on the ages of the children involved, but generally, it’s unfair to put that massive pressure on the kids to ‘choose’ who they want to spend time with.  So, make the decision between the two parents and then tell the children what’s happening.  Who’s going where and when.

Don’t compete:

Remember – it’s not a competition or an opportunity to score points off the other parent.  Children are cleverer than we often give them credit for and tune into this kind of behaviour, which only adds to their anxiety, making it difficult to talk about their experiences, or tell the other parent about their holiday, which is wrong.

Be realistic:

Focus on what’s possible rather than impossible.  Often during the separation process, funds are tight, so holidays may not be possible at all. If this is the case then do some research on ‘free’ events around the country that you can plan visits/day trips to.  A house swap is also a great idea and this concept is growing.  

Don’t borrow:

We often hear about parents who are feeling so guilty about the split that they get a loan to cover a summer get away.  This is a bad idea.  Only take the children away if you can afford it.  Otherwise, it’s going to add further pressure to your finances during a time when you probably need that like a hole in the head.

Quality rather than quantity:

Remember quality time with your children is better than quantity.  The whole objective of holidays is to give the children happy childhood memories, so rise above any bitterness towards your ex and allow each of you create those memories, independently!