The impact of denying Dads’ access to their children.

Denied custody is unfortunately one of the weapons of choice too often used to sooth hurt egos as parents navigate separation, and the main people who suffer here are the children.

More often than not, it’s the Mother who denies the Father access to the children as in most cases, Mothers remain in the family home as the main carer of the children after a separation.

All experts agree unconditionally - children benefit from having relationships with both parents.

It’s important to remember, that whatever the circumstances of the separation, the children are used to both parents being in their lives, every day.  Therefore, the impact of one parent – usually the Dad – leaving the family home, has a massive impact on their daily lives.

Just because you don’t love your spouse anymore, nothing has changed in the emotions of your children.  They still love both of you as they’ve always done.  And no parent in their right mind wants to cause any unnecessary suffering to their child, particularly during this difficult family time.  But by denying the Dad access to their children – this is exactly what’s happening.  

Children need both Parents.

However difficult it may be, mothers need to find another way to interact with their ex that doesn’t include denying them access to their children as the only people who are being damaged in this exchange are the kids.

According to Alan Hosking, Editor of ‘What nobody tells a new Father’,

“every human being is born with an insatiable need to be loved by a Father.  If they don’t get that, they spend the rest of their lives looking for it”.

Fathers rights were improved in Ireland last year by changes to the Children and Family Relationship act 2015.  The most significant change is in father’s rights to guardianship which up to then, were limited.  Now automatic guardianship can be granted to a Dad who has been living with the Mum for at least 12 months, to include 3 months after the child’s birth.

This allows Dads to have a prominent say in their child’s upbringing around such things as travel and holidays, medical issues, education and religious preferences.  

Studies have shown that successful co-parent arrangements can benefit your children’s emotional health in many ways and prepares them more roundly for their own relationships in the future.

Put the children’s feelings first – they will thank you in the end.