The things no one tells you about Separation.
Even though some of my close friends had been through Separation and had told me broadly what to expect in the first few months afterwards, nothing or no one can prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster that becomes the new norm.
Naturally, you pre-empted the major elements. Financial struggles as the funds stretch to support two households rather than one; shared parenting arrangements; reactions of friends and family as they adjust to your new situation; new found independence as you start your journey no longer part of a couple, to mention a few obvious ones. But there’s a whole undergrowth of turmoil that no one tells you about.
No one tells you that you embark on a journey that starts in a very dark place, darker than you ever expected, even though you may have been the one to choose the separation and know that It’s the right thing all round.
No one tells you that you will grieve greatly for the family you once had and for the hopes, dreams and plans you had for the future as your children grew up.
No one tells you that you will begin to notice happy couples everywhere you look, triggering feelings of unbelievable sadness and failure.
No one tells you that during the week when your kids are driving you up the wall, that when they leave to go to stay with their other parent, that the silence in the house becomes unbearable. No one tells you that you’ll crave noise.
No one tells you that even simple things like standing on the side-lines of the football pitch watching your child play, will now be different because you are no longer part of a couple.
No one tells you that picking yourself up off the ground will become the new norm.
No one tells you about how easily it is to fall for someone new because subconsciously you long to be part of a couple again, only to be left with a string of short lived loves and damaged self-esteem.
But…..
No one tells you that you will become stronger in yourself than you ever thought possible.
No one tells you that you will get to know yourself better than you ever did before.
No one tells you that in time, you will embrace your independence and learn to travel alone, socialise alone, holiday alone and find yourself happy despite the absence.
No one tells you that the time apart from your children will become ‘your’ time to discover what makes you tick as an individual, building back up your self-esteem.
No one tells you that you will grow as a person, that you will come out of the tunnel triumphant, happy that you have make a massive life choice, for the better. Your children will see and learn from the examples you have shown them.
You will learn the true meaning of the old saying
“Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
